Engaging in deep healing work can be a transformative experience. It allows us to explore the wounded and unhealed Parts of ourselves, bringing clarity and understanding to areas of our lives that once felt chaotic or painful. However, even after significant healing, it’s not uncommon to feel conflicted about the next steps in life, especially when it comes to relationships and employment.

This inner conflict makes perfect sense. When we first entered a relationship or job, our unhealed self may have been in charge of making those choices. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) terms, these unhealed Parts of ourselves were likely trying to protect us in the best way they knew how. They may have sought out relationships or roles that aligned with their sense of safety, validation, or survival at the time. As a result, what mattered deeply to these Parts of ourselves—their goals, priorities, and fears—may now seem meaningless or unattractive to our healed or healing self.
Questioning Vocation, Partners, and Life Goals
Healing can prompt us to question our vocation, partners, and life goals. This questioning can activate some of our Parts that may hold perspectives resistant to change. These Parts might feel frightened, exhibit loyalty, crave certainty, avoid conflict, or desire to maintain connection with loved ones—even when the basis of the relationship is unhealthy. Such internal pulls can create a sense of tension, as these Parts may resist letting go of the familiar, even if it no longer serves us.
IFS offers a framework to help sort through these divergent Parts, feelings, and pulls. By understanding and working with these internal dynamics, we can begin to clarify our path forward while honoring all aspects of ourselves.
The Push and Pull of Change
The tension arises because healing doesn’t automatically erase the presence of all protective Parts, nor does it eliminate the uncertainty of change. While some Parts of ourselves may now feel empowered to seek out relationships or jobs that align with our new, healthier self, other Parts might resist radical change. These Parts may fear instability, loss, or the unknown. They might worry about how changes in our life will affect our finances, relationships, or overall sense of security.
This push-and-pull dynamic is entirely natural. Healing is not a linear process, and clarity about the future often emerges gradually. Parts of ourselves that once protected us might still hold onto old beliefs or patterns, even as newer, healthier Parts of ourselves are ready to explore different paths.
Spending Time With All Parts
One of the most compassionate and effective ways to navigate this conflict is to spend time with all of our Parts. This means approaching our Parts with curiosity and a true willingness to take their perspectives into consideration. When we approach our Parts with a foregone conclusion or a forceful agenda, they are likely to push back and become defensive. By creating space for every Part of ourselves to be heard, we send a powerful message: none of our Parts have to carry the burden alone.
Here are some steps to help your Parts feel supported and integrated:
Acknowledge and Validate: Recognize that every Part of you, no matter how conflicted or resistant, is trying to protect or support you in some way. Validation can soothe even the most fearful Parts.
Dialogue With Compassion: Spend time journaling or meditating to connect with different Parts of yourself. Ask them what they’re feeling, what they fear, and what they need from you.
Reassure and Collaborate: Let your Parts know that they are not alone in navigating change. Reassure them that you’re committed to making thoughtful, supportive decisions that honor everyone’s concerns.
Take Small Steps: Radical change can feel overwhelming. Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps that allow your Parts to adjust gradually.
Honoring the Journey
Healing work often reshapes our internal landscape, making it natural to question old choices and feel uncertain about new directions. What once felt meaningful may no longer resonate, and that’s okay. By embracing all Parts of ourselves and allowing space for their voices, we can move forward with greater clarity and alignment.
The journey of healing is not just about transforming our inner world; it’s also about learning to navigate the outer world in a way that reflects our truest, most integrated self. Trust the process, honor your Parts, and know that each step forward is an act of courage and self-love.
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